“No one ever drowned in sweat”

 . . . but it's certainly not attractive

I’m sure this Marine saying is referring to physically taxing work, the kind of work I avoid at all costs. Nevertheless, this quote pretty much sums up 2013 for me.

I self-published my first Christian fiction novel this year.  As you can imagine, when you publish a novel it is necessary to promote it so that people know it exists and are enticed to buy it. Great. I can do that. I get to use that public relations degree my mom complains she spent too much money on at Clark Atlanta University. So, I planned a book release party and a book signing.

Sweat.

The day of the release party, I woke up physically ill from the apprehension and anxiety alone. I was nauseous, gagging, and shaking all the way to work. Not to mention, my shipment of books I needed for the book signing in two days hadn’t arrived AND the company’s website still had it classified as in production. I spent most of that morning arguing with the company before they finally acquiesced to overnighting 1/3^rd of my order.

Sweat.

When I arrived at the book release party venue, I was sweating and shaking. I couldn’t get myself to calm down.  Thank God for My Sister’s Keepers! After I changed my clothes, I still couldn’t stop shaking and sweating. So I went to my car to blast the air conditioner and cool down. That worked. Until I walked back into the building.

It is so amazing how my body betrayed me with these weird reactions when I knew everything was okay. I couldn’t understand why my body wouldn’t cooperate with my brain. I was so embarrassed; I’ve never been that nervous in my life but I made it through.

Even though the event did not turn out how I envisioned it, I still consider it a success. I sold books and people were audibly entertained when I read from the book.  I felt like a literary giant. The next day you couldn’t tell me nothing. I was officially a BAD ASS. BAD ASS, that’s right. Please excuse my Kanye moment but I fully believe that.

In 2013, I learned to listen for God’s voice before I made decisions. I learned to have a heart for people I knew were trying to sabotage me (even though I didn’t always respond in a Christ-like manner). I was quick to repent when convicted and I learned to live in the moment (thank you girl sitting next to me in Starbucks for mentioning that because I wanted to include it)

I attended more funerals in 2013 than I care to count, so much unexpected death and unexplainable grief surrounded me but God was faithful and he kept me. He showed me that if I depended on Him everything would be alright in the end. I faced some fears, I did things I’ve never done before and have grown because it. Even though it was uncomfortable and unattractive at times, I didn’t drown.